It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
