i don't plan on having that self control this summer
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
