break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
