i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
