bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
whose ass print is on the piano?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
