nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
