You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize