So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
