David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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