theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
