I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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