At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
