I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
