The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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