I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
