FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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