R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jerry, you need to find god
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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