she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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