Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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