looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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