Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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