FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
