Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
