My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
