he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
