Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize