Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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