Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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