dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
