Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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