My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize