It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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