I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
