So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
