I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
