feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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