It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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