i would punch a child for taco bell
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
