I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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