I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
