you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
