I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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