Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
