The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You pole danced in your parka.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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