Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
