sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
