I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
