Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
