pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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