there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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