So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
