If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
