i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize