So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
