dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
