Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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