Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
