My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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