Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
