you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
