Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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