When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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