So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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