You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
