dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
