Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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