You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
