1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
