i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
