Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
