Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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