If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
