If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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