one two three fourrrrnication!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
