Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
