..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
