Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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