Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we're so committed to being not committed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
