her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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