why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
