He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
