dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
