I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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