john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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