Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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