The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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