i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
