Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
