it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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