Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
