Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
