Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
