If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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