omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
