We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize