You're so nebulous sometimes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
