I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
