what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
