I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize